Life Update 11.15.2018

As my third quarter at SCAD comes to an end, I thought it would be appropriate to write a short blog updating whoever is interested about my journey these past three months. 

It has been
Stressful
Exciting
Adventurous
Heartbreaking
Somber
Eye opening
Painful

I started this quarter coming back from a wonderful road trip to NYC and Houston. I went to NYC to see Harry Potter and the Cursed Child and then hopped down to Houston to see my dad get married and visit my family. It was a fantastic two weeks. Feel free to watch my NYC vlog, I got to see Starry Night and wander around Times Square! The trip to NYC was the best decision I have ever made in my life, and I am so grateful I was brave enough to venture up there on my own to see a play. I have absolutely no regrets.

My seat was amazing. I was at the front of the balcony. No one blocking my view!

Once I got back from Texas, school started back and I quickly got back into the routine of studying and working. For a few weeks, I lived with my friend Laura while I waited for my new apartment. Shout out to Laura for letting me stay with her, I will always remember her generosity.

A couple of weeks in to the quarter I moved into my new apartment. It is a lovely carriage house with a lofted bedroom. It's incredibly cosy, well built, and I absolutely love living in my own tiny home. No messes that aren't mine, and I don't feel as restricted as I did when I had roommates I didn't know. You can see my apartment tour vlog here.

I also chopped off all of my hair, which I absolutely love. I don't see myself growing it out any time soon. It is so easy to maintain and it always looks cute, even if I'm dressed like a vagabond.

This quarter, like the last two, was busy. I spent a lot of time working and studying. I had to pick up hours at work because my rent went up, but it is worth the price knowing where I live and the amazing space I live in. My landlord is also super nice.

Unlike the last two quarters, though, I decided that if the opportunity arose, I wanted to spend more time hanging out with my classmates/friends. I'd been so focused on getting A's that I neglected my social life, and I felt like I was isolating myself. This quarter was so much fun in regards to hanging out with friends outside of class. We went to a cat show, out to eat several times to new places and tried new cuisines (my Chinese friends showed us what it's like to eat real Chinese food, it was so good!), we went out to a dance club one night for Laura's birthday which was SO MUCH FUN. We went shopping randomly, I threw a Halloween party, I got invited to Diwali night. I mean, my friends here have been so good to me.

Unfortunately, with the good always comes bad. The week before Halloween I was knocked off my feet by the most unreal situation I never thought I would deal with. 

My husband left me. 

It was the most unreal moment of my life. I think I'm still in shock, but reality has been sinking in since the day it happened. I received a letter in the mail stating that he couldn't continue to be in a relationship anymore. Yes, I know, a letter. Cowardly.

My life felt like it just fell apart right then and there. My heart physically felt like it had broken in two. I haven't been able to breathe very well since then. My appetite has vanished. I had been with this man for eight years, and I thought everything was going along just fine. I had made plans to come back to Oklahoma for the entire month of December. I guess things weren't "just fine"... I was just never informed of how he truly felt. 

At this very moment, I'm too exhausted to feel the sadness. I am heartbroken and confused. I am angry and hurt. I want to know why, but I don't. I have an intuition of what might've happened, but I don't want to sit and obsess about it. 

I have hung on by a thread these last three weeks. My teammates have held me up and carried me through the finish line. I am absolutely honored to have had the team members I had this quarter. I truly could not have carried on without them. I have learned what true teamwork really means, and I will value their efforts and friendships for the rest of my life. 

My amazing teammates from SDES 704 - Cow, Suri, myself, and Reed.

My amazing teammates from IDUS 713 - Bing, myself, and Taylor. 

My amazing teammates from DMGT 732 - Meisong, myself, and Laura.

I've also had other friends outside of SCAD who have been checking up on me and reaching out as best as they can, and I truly appreciate their friendship as well. I've learned who is really there to support me and just be there for me when I need a shoulder to cry on, or just sometime who cracks corny jokes until I laugh. 

While I've kept this split between him and I in the semi-darkness, I can't pretend like it didn't happen. Eight years of my life feel like they were wasted by someone who had no intention of carrying their promises with them in this relationship. Were there red flags? Sure. I knew who I had chosen to fall in love with. But apparently unconditional love was not enough in this case.

Over the break, I will allow myself time to reset, to breathe, and to begin to heal from this. It won't happen overnight, by any means, but in due time, my heart won't feel so broken and I will be able to feel true contentment and even happiness again. 

Thank you all for reading. I'll update again soon.